May 16, 2006

Hi again...

well its almost midnight and im sitting here listening to Nickelback very loud..... Saw them in concert a few weeks ago and now I cant stop listening to them. Fantastic concert.... Far away is playing at the moment. Its a very special song for me cos we played it dads funeral.... (he died 27/12/2005). I am really missing him at the moment with all that is going on with mum and my sister. She is 6 years younger and I have a brother too who is 3 years younger. Anyway it was mothers day over the weekend, and once again, nothing special.... Brad (my X) doesn't do anything for me for my son so it is repaid when fathers day comes around.
Well I started my 'weight loss' plan on the 5th and weighed my self on the 14th. I had lost 2.4 kilos... I was mighty impressed with myself. I have an appointment on the 1st to see about a tummy tuck.. Very nervous but it is the only thing that makes me parranoid. I am wanting to lose 5 kilos with in the month so I am on track. would like to lose another 20 kilos.... I wish I could wake up and it was all gone.
I have big plans this weekend. I have kind of a date with the boss and another couple. We are going to a greek resturant and then who knows after that.... Its been a long time since i have been with anybody... 2 years to be precise so the nerves are taking over. He is a really nice guy with morals so who knows... might just be a night out with friends....Blaine (my son) is staying at his dads for the first time ever so that is a bit frightening in itself. They both seem to be very excited about the whole thing. I am just hoping that I dont have the same problem as I did last week when he looked after him for the first time. Blaine came home, made himself sick from crying and told me he loved daddy and wanted to go to his house to live... I know he is only 3 but it still hurts the same, especially when it has been only the 2 of us since I was 12 weeks pregnant. My x decided that he didn't want to play mummys and daddys after 2 years of trying, IVF and misscarriages... I still dont understand it but i am over it now and Blaine deserves to know his dad. Besides, he is getting married at the end of the year so I am hoping he has settled down and will step up and take some responsibility for once.
I'm feeling very lonely the last few days...hopefully that will pass cos its playing with my head... watch out boys... Lorrie's back in the game....hehehe....
I better think about getting to bed for work in the morning....will chat again soon...xoxoxoxox